The Refusal to Seek Help and Take Medication
Believing they’d get over it
“I didn't think going to a therapist was a necessary thing,” Ravichandran said. “I felt like I know I'll come over it, I'll get over it.”
Hariharan also said she felt like she’d get over her depression, which is why she too refused to seek professional help and talk to a therapist or someone.
Believing they’d get over it was probably the only positive reason I heard people give in response to why they refused to seek help or take medication for their mental health. One of the biggest trends I saw in the reasons people gave was not wanting to be a burden to their friends and family.
Not wanting to burden or scare people away
Unlike Hariharan, who confided in her best friend, Priya, Ravichandran said he didn’t talk to anyone about his depression. Not his best friends, not his parents, not even his older brother whom Ravichandran said he’s very close to.
“Maybe talking about my depression will make him go away, I thought,” Ravichandran said about talking to his best friend about depression. He was scared his friend would get frustrated with him and think, “Why is he always sad like this?” and scare him away.
To Ravichandran, who said he was already socially awkward and felt scared to make friends with his new classmates, losing his best friend didn’t seem worth the effort to open up about his depression to him.
Netto, on the other hand, was able to talk to his two close friends about his issues, but he restricted himself from talking too much about it because he said he didn’t want to depress his friends by talking about his pain and constant fears for how he’s going to live his life with rheumatoid arthritis.
He also said he doesn’t show that he’s in constant pain to his family either. Till date, his mother believes Netto is cured of the pain.
“Because I don't want them to get depressed,” he said. “Already they have gone a lot - but she's now happy, my mother. That's what I want.”
When his relatives come over, Netto said they like to play cards. They sit in a circle on the floor and play. But for Netto, sitting in one place for a long time is difficult and painful, but he masks his pain with a constant smile. He loves playing cards, but he said he is torn between concentrating on hiding his pain from his relatives and concentrating on the game.
Anton Abilash Netto
“I told my mother I don't even want a marriage,” Netto said, saying a wife would have to go through the pain of having a husband with an autoimmune disease and depression. “And my mother went through a lot. So I don't want her to also be like that. And who is going to marry a man with a thing like this?”
Many counselors, but still no answer
However, Netto did say he talked to many counselors and retreat centers, asking why he can’t get over his perceived failure because he hates to lose. Every counselor said the same thing. They all praised him for his intelligence, hard work and strength. They all called him extraordinary and said there’s no need for him to beat himself up so much. And they told him he should just accept his condition.
“Everyone will say something like that, but I didn't get the proper solution to my question,” Netto said, who now doesn’t have faith in talking about his feelings or depression to people or hearing the solutions they give because he can’t seem to find the right answer to his question.
But Netto at least had the courage to talk to counselors, even though he feels like they didn’t really help. Many people are scared to even approach a counselor for fear of the stigma associated with it.
Feeling like something is wrong with them
Hariharan’s family saw a clash of opinions when one of her cousin brothers suddenly quit his job and came home, declaring that he was depressed and didn’t want to work anymore.
When her parents heard about this, her father immediately said they should go help and take her cousin to a counselor. But her mother disagreed.
“My mom, she was like, 'Let us not take him to a counselor because that'll make him feel more sad and psychotic about himself,’” Hariharan said.
Her mother felt that taking her cousin to a counselor to get professional help for his depression will make him think that there’s something wrong with him, and that he’s a psycho, so she was against the idea of taking him to go see a counselor.
Equating it to insanity
Prabha described that from what she has studied in sociology and observed from her dad’s colleagues and friends, most Indians are open to taking medication, even if they don’t have a full idea of what is wrong, if their doctor is supportive and assertive enough. They take the medicine hoping they’ll feel better.
“Some people, they're okay with it, actually,” Prabha said. “But the moment they realize what it actually is, like there's something to do with your mental health, they immediately equate it to insanity.”
Equating mental health problems to insanity or being psychotic isn’t the only reason people are afraid to take medication.
Relying on alternatives
Hariharan said she doesn’t believe people need to take antidepressants to get over their depression because it causes hormonal changes, and she doesn’t think that’s good.
Antidepressants work by increasing the serotonin and norepinephrine neurotransmitter levels in the synapses between neurons in your body. These help regulate your mood so you can feel happier.
But Hariharan said that instead of taking antidepressants, people can do something relaxing like taking a walk or doing something they love. She said her cousin brother loves riding his motorcycle, so he could’ve gone for a long drive.
People in India think that if you take medicines, there’s something wrong with you, Hariharan explained.
“And I don't want people who are depressed to think there's something wrong with them because it's normal,” she said. “So they can actually do stuff they really like because that helps a lot. And then talking to someone helps.”
Netto too said he believes he should get through it with his own strength only; no other help.
Not wanting society to know
Shibila Anbumani, an occupational therapist, said she has seen a lot of the parents of differently abled children who come to her battling depression. But because of the stigma, these parents don’t go see a psychiatrist. They don’t even want to be seen sitting outside the office of a psychiatrist.
“Like if you go to a psychiatrist or if you go to a counselor, people think this person is, you know, they will have some problem or he's mentally unstable or something like - even they don't want to go and sit outside the OPD (outpatient department) of a psychiatric doctor,” Anbumani said. “Because they think when I sit outside and somebody sees me, they think like ‘I am abnormal’. I have completed basic certification in mental health because I know there are many parents who are depressed.”
Shibila Anbumani
Anbumani said she uses her certification to counsel the parents who come to her, because she hopes that even if they don’t want to go talk to a therapist, at least they would feel a little more comfortable talking to her.
Prabha too has come across people who are scared of society knowing they have a mental health problem.
“I've come across people who are just like - like some people don't even want the diagnosis because they feel like if someone sees them outside the therapist's office, then people would think they're crazy, and they reject medications,” she said.
Of the people I talked to who faced or are still facing depression, Prabha was the only one who sought help and is taking medications.